Rambling of a Baffled Blogger (straight from the heart)

Blog world is exhausting. Confusing. Frustrating. Madness. Incredibly competitive. Overwhelming. Baffling. Addictive. Never-ending. And yet a great and wonderful part of my life.

"In fashion, one day you're in and the next day--you're out."

Recognize that quote?? One of my favorite shows!! Lately, I feel as though this can apply to blogging as well--"In blogging, one day you're in and the next day--you're out." Maybe not as drastically and as quickly as in the fashion world, but still relevant.

I wanted to share some thoughts that have been weighing on me for a couple of weeks now, mainly because you all are a group that most likely will be able to understand them and maybe help me sort through it!

I've just been wondering when all of this blog craziness will end--not in the sense of going away, but I'm having a hard time imagining when my incessant need to blog and check your blogs will end. More and more blogs are popping up every day and SO many ideas are out there--I am having great difficulties keeping up anymore! And I feel that as more blogs appear and as more AWESOME ideas come about, the relationship between me and you all, the readers, will deteriorate. I say this because I feel as though a lot of you are so overwhelmed with checking all of your favorite blogs and pinning and what not that you are now just looking for the "stuff" that you can gain instead of spending time connecting, collaborating, and sharing. It feels like the only reason people stop by my blog anymore is to get something. (And if you are still reading at this point, thank you! :) ) Sometimes it feels as though people have stopped coming altogether! And I know this all may sound silly and petty, but it is honestly affecting me. I feel as though I am being used......but that's the very nature of the internet, right?? To acquire information?? I am very much a logical thinker and I totally understand the reality of this, but I cannot help but allow this feeling of turmoil inside of me to rear its ugly head. Lately, I am just feeling so disconnected from you, my readers. And there are a few of you that comment on almost every post and you ask questions and leave some wonderful feedback and validation--but it still doesn't feel right and I'm not sure what to do about it. Like I said, I feel like it will only get worse as time goes on due to more and more and more blogs being created every day. But that's not your fault! Again--turmoil!

I guess I just want to say that bloggers have the pressure of constant posting and keeping up with everything, alllll the time. We understand readers must be engaged in the first few seconds on our site or they're going to click on to the next site. That can be hard to keep up with! It's just nice to know that people appreciate what you do and "care" about you so it doesn't feel meaningless. Plus, it's just nice to hear from you!! No one wants to talk to a brick wall...What works in YOUR classroom, what did you think about that idea, Do you have anything to add onto that idea, etc...just a few examples of questions you can answer to help build a connection between you and the author.

And in other news (sorry for the relentless rambling), I LOATHE a certain weekly newsletter from a certain popular teacher-made product site that broadcasts the high earnings of teacher bloggers out there (and not just in the newsletter but on the site as well). LOATHE. I'm not envious of the tens of THOUSANDS that you all are making--I'm actually quite impressed--but I feel that it is inappropriate on so many levels (and I would still feel that way if I were on that list.) It also ignites this terrible feeling in my gut that tells me that I'll never be good enough to do that, because I haven't. I do find myself being envious of the time that most of you are able to dedicate to creating products and checking off all of the items on your "Pinterest-to-make" list because I am very passionate about products I create and the research behind them. But then I feel bad because if I am coveting more time then I am wishing that I spend less time with my husband and toddler--which is NOT true. The newsletters are a weekly reminder of this and leaves me feeling very unsettled and overwhelmed. Maybe I should just unsubscribe...

I don't vent much on here but I feel as though it needed to be put out there, however random it may be--anyone else have similar feelings?? Any thoughts on the matter??

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Think About It!: The Purpose

Before I jump into the first post (which will be tomorrow) I wanted to give you a little background about why I'm doing this...

When I was in college ELAR (English Language Arts and Reading) instruction was emphasized SO much; the majority of my classes focused on reading, reading, reading. We developed lesson cycles and thematic units, tutored and gave reading inventories to students, and participated in numerous reading labs, i.e. field experiences. All were great experiences and taught me a lot! My first real teaching job, however, was 4th grade math (and still is). Teaching math was not intimidating to me--after all, math has always been my best subject. I didn't realize though until after getting started that I was NOT as prepared to teach math as I was to teach reading (which I didn't do). In college, math did not receive the same emphasis reading did (at least at my alma mater). I had a few classes about math instruction but not nearly as many as ELAR. The only field experience we participated in for math was student teaching (IF you were placed in a classroom that taught math).

In bloggy blog world there are SO many ELAR experts--you all make the neatest products and have the neatest ideas to incorporate into instruction. It is really encouraging to know that I could get help with anything ELAR from numerous sources should I need it (since I do not teach ELAR at this time). However, there is slim-pickin' when it comes to math experts. I think being a math expert is more than just creating fun games and neat activities. To me, a math expert understands math well and understands how children learn math; he/she knows how to build a foundation AND knows/understands more than just processes, procedures, and rules. He/she knows the "how" and "why" behind such processes, procedures, and rules, and uses this knowledge to help children understand them. Most importantly, a math expert understands that mathematical concepts should be explored and NOT taught solely using a set of rules and procedures (note that I am emphasizing a point by using rules, procedures and processes several times!). Effective mathematics instruction is paramount in the early years as it serves as the building blocks for higher level concepts. Building a strong mathematical foundation in the early grades is vital for success in math as building reading foundational skills is crucial in learning to read. (For instance, algebra is not something reserved for a middle school math class, rather a concept that is introduced and built upon in the early years in life.) 4th grade teachers should not have to teach 1st grade math as 6th grade teachers should not have to teach 4th grade math.

My hope in launching this series is to encourage you to reflect upon your own teaching and thinking (as I have and still do) in order to enhance mathematics instruction in your classroom. Please note that I KNOW that I do not have all of the answers which is why I encourage you to actively participate in this series with me (one of the many benefits of being a part of an online community of teachers!). I hope to challenge you to examine your methods and ways of thinking. Though we all come from different places, backgrounds and may have different teaching styles, our goal is the same--to EDUCATE children.

Thanks for your interest and I SOO look forward to your input! :D

Tears of Joy...

I've mentioned in earlier posts that I'm at the "worst" school in my district with the "worst" kids. We have the worst attendance rate and the worst TAKS scores (Texas standardized test). With the recent budget cuts, teachers in my district (MOSTLY from my school) are getting whacked left and right. The superintendent has been watching my school like a vulture circling a carcass, just waiting to make his move.

I teach 4th grade math to the entire grade level. My TAKS scores have never been awful, but still aren't up there with the other schools. In fact, they are among the highest at my school. I haven't been too worried about losing my job, but of course it has been a possibility.

Today was just an awesome day. It was Math TAKS day. I am always excited for TAKS day because it takes a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. It marks the day where I get to teach without pressure (the last like, 19 days of school!). It marks the day where I stop worrying about the test and passing and just get to focus on teaching. JUST teaching.

Anyway, today was the day. All through the school year I have targeted about 13-15 "bubble" kids that could end up passing by the test by one, or end up failing miserably, depending on their smartness that day and their mood. These kids aren't bad kids. They are just SO behind and SO low (all reading at a either a 1st or 2nd grade reading level). 2 of them are ESL. These kids STRUGGLE. They have always struggled and will continue to struggle because they have A LOT of catching up to do.

I placed all of these kids in my testing room. I have a great rapport with all of these kids. We have spent many countless hours in small groups and tutoring. I've been encouraging them from day one and and have NEVER given up on them, even when the picture was very bleak. They know that. I've filled their little heads with confidence and an "I Can!" attitude. We have had some great days and a few more not-so-great days. I have been nervous ALL year about whether all of these countless hours of tutoring and one-on-one help will pay off.

Today...it did. Those kids worked with everything they had. I mean EVERYTHING. I have NEVER seen them work so hard. It brings a tear to my eye because...they did it. THEY DID IT. All of this hard work and frustration paid off. Of course, I don't know their scores and I don't know exactly how they did because we are not allowed to look at the test while the students are taking it BUT I can tell you that they took their time, they used their strategies, they THOUGHT it out, and I have never been so proud!

This reminds me that I KNOW my purpose is to teach. This is what I live for. This feeling will NEVER get old! It's so cliché to say that my favorite part of teaching is that light bulb moment (you know what I mean!), but it's true!

I am so thankful for my job and praise GOD for all that He has done!




(and thank GOD this day is over!!!)